Friday, August 21, 2009

Pause a Moment: Jessica Wakefield

Last week we talked about judging Elizabeth Wakefield by her Sweet Valley High covers. Sister Lizzie appeared to be patronizing, passive-aggressive supporting, caring, loving, and a great color coordinator. Today we will judge Elizabeth Wakefield's twin sister, Jessica Wakefield. What can we learn about Jessica Wakefield without cracking open the book?

She has a wicked cold stare.

"Sister Jess, you did steal my magenta lipstick."
*stare* "You're point?"

Jess the Best has a wicked cold smile.

"But Captain Jessica, the last time I was at the top of the pyramid I broke both ankles."
*smile*"You're point?"

She's plain wicked.

"Dad is going to kill me when he sees what I did to the convertible trying to run that cop off the road. Eh, I'll just blame the maid."

The fellas love her.

The local Surfer Dude types love her.

The Tennis Coach types love her.

The Clark Gable types of love her.

The Captain of the Math and Debate team types love.... uh oh.

There's a new Sweetie in the Valley. And, Jess the Less Best does NOT like competition.

"This is suppose to be my cover, Lie-La."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. My ear is covered by the beautiful cascade of my shiny brunette locks.

Jess decides to run away to drum up sympathy and a boatload of attention.

No one cares. She pulled that stunt before.

How does Jess the Mess Best feel about being replaced as the Sweetie of the Valley™? She probably-
Get it Now! Sweet Valley High's very own Sweetie, Lila Fowler with a new Tell-All book titled Super Star: Lila's Story. She talks about love, life, her endorsement deals, and how she was tortured by outcast thug Jess 'The Mess' Wakefield. Yours for only $2.95 (Canada $3.50). Order in the next 10 minutes and get an autographed 8x10 of Lila Fowler. Autograph is not by Lila Fowler herself.

Oh brother.


d.funkt said...

man this girl is just [rick james impression]cold...blooded[/foolishness]

Cover That Mother said...

LOL, d.funkt