Pause a Moment: Jessica Wakefield

Last week we talked about judging Elizabeth Wakefield by her Sweet Valley High covers. Sister Lizzie appeared to be patronizing, passive-aggressive supporting, caring, loving, and a great color coordinator. Today we will judge Elizabeth Wakefield's twin sister, Jessica Wakefield. What can we learn about Jessica Wakefield without cracking open the book?

She has a wicked cold stare.

"Sister Jess, you did steal my magenta lipstick."
*stare* "You're point?"

Jess the Best has a wicked cold smile.

"But Captain Jessica, the last time I was at the top of the pyramid I broke both ankles."
*smile*"You're point?"

She's plain wicked.

"Dad is going to kill me when he sees what I did to the convertible trying to run that cop off the road. Eh, I'll just blame the maid."

The fellas love her.

The local Surfer Dude types love her.


The Tennis Coach types love her.



The Clark Gable types of love her.



The Captain of the Math and Debate team types love.... uh oh.



There's a new Sweetie in the Valley. And, Jess the Less Best does NOT like competition.

"This is suppose to be my cover, Lie-La."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. My ear is covered by the beautiful cascade of my shiny brunette locks.

Jess decides to run away to drum up sympathy and a boatload of attention.


No one cares. She pulled that stunt before.


How does Jess the Mess Best feel about being replaced as the Sweetie of the Valley™? She probably-
Get it Now! Sweet Valley High's very own Sweetie, Lila Fowler with a new Tell-All book titled Super Star: Lila's Story. She talks about love, life, her endorsement deals, and how she was tortured by outcast thug Jess 'The Mess' Wakefield. Yours for only $2.95 (Canada $3.50). Order in the next 10 minutes and get an autographed 8x10 of Lila Fowler. Autograph is not by Lila Fowler herself.


Oh brother.

Pause a Moment: Elizabeth Wakefield

At first I was going to reread and review The Sweet Valley High Series. But, that's a bit too time-consuming. Everything I ever need to know I can learn from the book covers. Yeah, you're not suppose to judge a book by it's cover. But, I'm a visual learner (and this blog is called Cover that Mother. May as well talk about coverings, right?). So, what did I learn about Sweet Valley High's Elizabeth Wakefield?

First, she's an identical twin. She's the tamer of the pair. You can tell this because Sister Lizzie pushes her hair behind her ears. It's not big and flirty like Sister Jessica's. Sister Lizzie loves life and thinks of everyone as her earth sister. And, she loves magenta lipstick.

"I know all your secrets, Sister Jess. I still love you."

She has a black friend. Her name is Jodie Landon Patty Gilbert. And, Sister Lizzie supports her.

"I support you, Sister Jodie."
"I'm Patty."

She has an Asian friend. Her name is Jade Wu. And, Sister Lizzie supports her.

"You're my friend, Sister Jade. How do you say friend in Japanese."
"I wouldn't know. I'm Chinese, Elizabeth."

She has a nerdy friend. Her name is Lynne. Lynne's trying to copy Bobby Womack's style. And, Sister Lizzie supports her.

"I see you have no lenses in your glasses, Sister Angsty Lynne. I shall be your eyes. You'll finally be able to see the beauty of the world instead of the ugliness..................like your hair. "
"Whatever..."

Awww....Sister Lizzie is such a benevolent soul.

Sister Lizzie has always been like that. Even as a young'un.


Sister Lizzie's best buddy is a cute curly haired girl name Enid. They're so close, Enid matches her eyeshadow to Elizabeth's shirt. That way when Enid needs Sister Lizzie's shoulder to cry on, the makeup won't show on Lizzie's shirt. BF4eva!!!1!♥

"We're BF4eva, Sister Enid! Right? Hello? Hello...Am I talking to myself?"

She gives fashion tips for free.

"Sister Emily...that lipstick, that shirt. And, that teardrop? The gleam of that teardrop only brings out those atrocious mother-of-pearl buttons on your Polo. Now come on. Smile with your eyes! The world is lovely!"

But, even Sister Lizzie needs a tall, tan hunk shoulder to cry on once in a while.

"Elizabeth, it'll be okay. No one will notice your other barrette is a different shade of pink."
"Oh, Todd. But, I'm so worried that Sister Angsty Lynne and Sister Jodie will notice."
"They won't. And, uh, her name is Patty, not Jodie."

Here's to you Sister Elizabeth Wakefield! We shall go forth and put barrettes in our hair and meekly rest our hands on our downtrodden friends.